This moment

Now I have to admit I so greedy. I keep telling myself I should not like this. However, I just cant leave any moment to think about this.I keep asking myself am I lying to myself? Or just I overthinking or irrational? If time reversed back.... I am not sure what i will going to do....... Why I always like this?

Sorry

I doesnt wanna hurt u friend. I hope you can understand. This thing is very selfish. It not allows to have two winners at the same time but only one. I can only choose one. I know U have sacrified much for me... I also knew tat sometime u did the thing jus for me... but U have to know that in this thing when u give me one I doesnt mean that I have to repay u one. I don wanna hurt u. Maybe u will hate or angry me why not choose u, but this is fate. Sorry fren. I jus wanna say sorry to u for hurting u. If one day we meet again u still angry at me... pls tell me u angry. I wont comment it. sorry. I jus don want to lose u as a fren. I hope one day u can smile to me and talk with me again. Sorry.

When I come to a crossroad

I come to a crossroad where I never come before,

I told myself don be timid,

I told myself be brave,

Both roads are long,

leading me to another roads and roads,

unforseeable consequeences.

I don know which one will bring me happiness and sadness.

I only can do decision base on myself, as layman.

Immature

Sometime, I am thinking that what is feeling? why must human must have feeling?? If I have no feeling isnt it good for me or vice versa?? I am using the black colour as my blog background to show I am a very dissoptimistic . I always easily feel nervous and always lost control. I easy get angry , get incensed and then hysterical. Sometime , really can be very down the whole day, crying and hiding myself under the bed . Sometime hope that someone can come and rescue me . However, that people never appeal. I have told myself before no need to have any feeling. Let live like a walking mummy without feeling. No sadness,happiness,angry,and so on. Just do whatever I have to do, studying,working,dying. This is my life,no colour . Only black and white. No people will come to colourise it. Just let it be. Sometime I smile, I laugh doesnt mean that I am happy. the real happiness is I smile from my heart. Who can make me for that? Still waiting. I try to love someone and try to help and try to do the thing by using all my strength,but in the end I just discovered I am tired of it. I like to drive car to anywhere. Life is like an endless highway, while passing through the highway, you can see different view. Beautiful view and ugly view. Even the weather suddenly raining,sudden sunny. Life is full of unexpectedness. I just a little immature woman.

One day if I not here anymore

If one day I not here anymore, frens pls take care. Although I knew this few months ago, but I tend to keep it. No need worry. Should be ok. I have to finish my job before I go. Pls keep the photo we took together last time . Because there wont be anymore. U should be brave to continue ur journey although I am not here anymore. U should be wise and happy. Don be afraid just like wat I have faced these few months. U can my fren. No matter where am I and u, u should be happy oway and search ur own happiness.

Control

I have to admit that I wont feel really happy after u went away from my life. I used to be surrounded and accompanied by you. I used to depend on you. I thought that when the time passed I will forget about you and start to to adapt the new LIFE. However I discovered that really wont feel happy after U went away. I need more time. I tell myself don think about you because it passed d and become the partial of my memory.

Brave

I have to admit that I am not tat kind of brave gal . I am just a very timid. I like to hide myself and always thinking of digging a hole and jump into that hole. I am that kind of gal not brave enough to declare my feeling . I like to keep my feeling inside in the deep art of my heart because i know that i am not brave enough ..i have think before to let u know my true feeling . but i am not brave enough to do that ..i feel so suffer ... maybe i should be more brave